tumors

i am surrounded by cancer. in my family, in my friends' families, in my blog-friends' families, and now in one of my own friends (hers could be cancer. no one is sure yet.) i don't know what to do. what to say. what to think.

after all of that, it seems silly to write about what sweets i made yesterday, or the baskets i bought today. nothing else seems to matter.

then i wonder, is it better just to live, to live, to celebrate life? what about my friend who is 7 months pregnant? what about the (howeever little) progress we make each day at work, or the inching forward of my book, or my friends who are opening their own places later this year, or my dear friend who just got married? what about the good stuff? is that not supposed to matter anymore?

it's all a blur.