shucking a mountain of favas at bob cannard sr.'s memorial, may 2009

frustrated, exhausted, confused.

if you had to choose between a little bit of stability that might keep you from growing and jumping into the sea of the unknown, which would you pick?

what if the unknown held opportunities beyond those of your most daring dreams? what if you had no idea how long you might have to tread water before one of them nudged you from behind like a dolphin coming to help keep you afloat?  

what if the bit of stability had other benefits, like (very) minor fame (but not fortune) and comfort?  what if it also caused your insecurities to flare (see: fame), and entangled you in something you already felt ambivalent about?  

and on an unrelated note, if you finally could tell someone who has been emotionally abusing you for, oh, five years or so, to eff off knowing that he/she could never trouble you again, would you?  or would you just get the heck outta dodge?


  1. the first one is too cryptic to advise ... there are too many variables to consider

    the second, easy, no matter how tempting it is to tell some to eff off, it is never of value in the end

    instead offer peace and compassion and loving kindness towards that person -- in the end it is you who will profit from the experience (of offering the peace etc, not of having been emotionally abused)!

  2. Very cryptic post there. Not sure if you were looking for an actual response, but I am giving you one anyway! Get ready for my "Dear Abby" response:
    What is security and stability of you are always wondering, "what if"?
    Also, telling someone to f-off might feel good when you say it, but you will be left with bad taste in your mouth. It isn't worth it. Everything is different with it is said out loud. Trust in karma to give that person a good f-off!
    Overall, listen to your instinct and trust yourself.

  3. Aloha Samin, just know that whatever you choose, you have a knack of making it work, no matter what....

  4. sorry, had to be vague because i don't want to stir up trouble. will let you know what's going on when i can. thanks for the input, guys.

  5. i think the fact that you know i read your blog every day has made you a much better writer than you could imagine. trust yourself, be proud of your achievements and do whatever makes you feel good. just never forget those who have helped you in life and don't be worried about failure. after all if things don't turn out as you might have planned, blame the project and not yourself. there will always be someone there who will blame you.

  6. i keep writing something and then deleting it because i can't quite figure out what advice to give. so i guess i'll just say that i'm thinking about you and love you and know that you will choose well.