something amazing has been happening inside and around me over the past year. i'm not necessarily to the point where i can articulate it very well, but it's something like this: once i shed the idea that who i am is who i will always be, i started to become the person i've always wanted to and believed i could be. i had to let go of the preconceived notions of who samin is in order to be able to begin to become the person i've always wanted to be. does this make sense?
we all make mistakes, and i've made more than my fair share, mostly involving my being really hard on the people around me. but as one with type-a, ocd tendencies, i've always been harder than myself than anyone else, and that's never led to anything very good.
i've had to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes; incredibly (and unexpectedly), that's allowed me to be so much kinder to the people around me. in turn, the kindness and generosity has been returned to me ten-fold, and continues to breed abundance in the most unexpected ways. each day, new magic unfolds in my life (as melissa put it earlier tonight, "so, what amazing thing happened today? did julia child get up out of her grave to come over for dinner?"), and i've found that the best thing to do is just to roll with it, and to exude gratitude at every turn.
of course, each day i still struggle with the practice of not beating myself up for every little thing; i have to work really, really hard to see the greater successes instead of the details of failure. nitpicking has always been a favorite pastime, and i struggle at controlling it. jealousy, too. and of course, there's insecurity--well, there's always plenty of that. i don't doubt that facing these issues will be a lifetime practice for me, but even taking the first few steps down this path has been groundbreaking for me.
Congratulations! It's always tough to make a huge change within yourself! What you say about being kinder to others is dead on. It reminds me of a boss I once had that was a micromanager, nitpicker, and always really hard on us. No one ever wanted to come into work and I had honestly considered a complete career change because I never thought I could do anything right. And then I found a new job. My current boss is the exact opposite, and here I am 4 years later still enjoying coming into work. I guess what I'm saying is when you are kind and happy, everyone around you will be too.
ReplyDeleteSamin, you're really a wonderful inspiration to me. I am learning so much by watching the graceful and delicious example that you're setting, so grateful to be walking in the same world as you. Big love to you, and see you soon. XX
ReplyDeleteHi Samin - Well synchronicity always leads you to like-minded people, they say. I went from Soul Food Farm to Pop Up Store to here. I loved this post, it reminds me so much of my own personal journey to believing (and backsliding) in myself as a musician. You might really enjoy a book called "The Answer is Simple" by Sonia Choquette. Great advice/mentoring in the "love thyself" department! All best, Deb
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to have you as a friend.
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