i can't sleep

there is just so much going through my head. i can't deal with it all, and my body is spazzing out. awesome.

and now, even though i can't remember ever being this tired, i can't sleep.

my heart is officially broken. for my uncle, my family, myself. for my sister, who went through this twenty-six years ago as a child. for my grandmother, who sits home and cries uncontrollably, feeling helpless. for my cousins, who now face something no one ever dared imagine. this is the saddest time i have ever known.

i can pretend to be happy about silly little things, i can pretend to focus on work, i can try to smile at the thought of my friends visiting. but behind it all, i see my uncle's face. it's all i can see. it's all i can think about. i don't know what to do.


  1. i'm so sorry you have to watch your uncle go through this samin. i know it's exhausting, but trying to stay positive really is the best thing. and remember that you have lots of friends who love you so much that they're willing to talk whenever, even at 1:07am.

  2. So sorry to hear your family is going through such a rough patch. Keep your chin up and know that you are loved (and missed) by many...I hope 2007 brings some brighter days.